Six Questions to Consider in Choosing a Life Partner

I enjoyed your post. Being a parent and teaching our children about a life partner is a tough task. I encouraged my children to not date when all their friends were dating at 13yo. I told them dating is a prelude to marriage and that this was not the time in their life to pursue this. I told them take your time and spend it with friends. Both boys and girls. Learn to relate to both sexes and be yourself. Figure out who you are - what you like/don't like. What you need and want. My own personal experience was that I spent a lot of time trying to impress those I liked and becoming something that I wasn't. It led to a lot of heartache and wasted time and stress trying to be someone else. One day I woke up and said - who am I? What do I like/love? What do I need from another person? It wasn't until that time that I was able to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I also told my kids you need someone to go the distance with you. Someone who is willing to take the good and bad times and not skip out when things get rough. Anyway, I will be sharing your questions with them. Thanks.

I recently lost my husband of twenty years. Many were doubtful when I married a man 30 years my senior. We had very different outward personalities but possessed the same soul. We had the same views on religion, money, child raising, friendships etc. It was a lovely life in which we traveled in many countries and enjoyed each day.

One important thing that I believe we did was to sit down and explain to each other what was necessary for each of us to have a successful relationship and make an agreement of our needs. Life was beautiful each day that were were privilaged to be together.

#1 reason ...best friend...soulmate really!
#2 great sex ...even after 40 years..actually better now than ever
#3 always remember how much you felt when you met
# 4 never take your relationship for- granted. ... What would you do if you had to meet someone new...do it for your mate!!!

Dear sir,
There are other considerations too!. Like 'In-laws'!...
Marriages these days in almost all cultures have become very demanding affairs, a process of continuous adjustment with an ever increasing flow of changes--Indeed an experience very difficult to cope with in most cases and hence so many broken and unhappy marriages and/or very unhealthy arrangements. If one partner has the spirit of tolerance and sacrifice, there is a fifty percent chance of a continuing relationship. If both have these qualities, success rate is higher. Since, tolerance and sacrifice are now mostly obsolete values, best thing, for better or for worse, is not to marry!. Thanks to the information age, the institution of marriage, I am afraid, has now become a farce!

Undoubtedly I would agree with your idea of giving an opportunity to study this subject as it is one the most important decisions of your life. The kind of exposure teens have gets them into frivolous relations from time to time going a long way in disrupting their mental balance and confidence.And they idolise sportspersons who themselves are not able to manage their personal lives.With time everything is OK for them-meeting,breaking without realising the long term aspects.Sadly even older people did their mistakes as noone was there to guide them. A little background study would go a long way.

I'd like to add one more to that if you've already hooked up with someone: "Do you have the confidence to decide?"

If you feel like you have to ask others their opinion on who you chose, then you better wait. If you're not sure and you don't have the confidence to just say yes, or you simply have doubts, then that's not a good basis for a relationship.

A friend of mine even went so far as to ask a pastor from her church because she was so insecure about it. He determined that he was a good christian man and that that was enough.

Needless to say it's a nightmare for both of them - they're very unhappy, call each other names in public etc. And now they even blame the pastor.

If you don't have the confidence to determine your partner is right, then you're not ready.

I am 19 , and I start looking at the boys/men around me as my future possible husbands . haha! Yes it sounds funny, I know.
I am conservative, and if I have a bf now- that will be my fiancé for sure.
The problem is that the new generation doesn't believe in stable relationship anymore, simply because it's boring or they are disappointed (personally I rather belong to the Victorian Age).
Those "Six Questions to Ponder in Choosing a Life Partner" you revealed in your article are very important. I would add another one - the food lifestyle. I am rawfoodist, and consequently I should marry only a rawfoodist , a fruitarian, or... max a vegan vegetarian. Some people neglect this topic, because love is the most important thing. Yes it is, but it's so easy to mix it up for passion. And passion is temporarily dangerous. Then it passes.
Looking forward to reading your new articles!
Great job!

I've only read a few pieces of your work so far but would like to say I've enjoyed them all. You're a very good writer. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and insights with us! Keep it up, thank you.

Hi,

I came across this article some while ago and it resonated well with me, and have used it as a guide while I have been searching for a life partner, and so have been dating women.

I wanted to make a contribution to this thread by saying that I have been seeing a woman for the past few months who I respect for her ideals and values on matters that tick some of the boxes in your list.

But unfortunately I lack physical chemisty with her, so even though we share some key values together, I am coming to the conclusion that that is not enough for me. Physical chemistry is equally important to me.

In my view having physical and mental chemistry are key requirements for a sustainable marriage or relationship.

Just my 2 cents

thanks

Valuable resources: the Gottman's workbooks/videos etc on relationships. Also Joyce and Barry Vissell have just written two books (soon to be published and distributed) called "To Really Love a Woman/Man" Very worth reading.